Women of Grace. A South Carolina woman’s new essay about…

As she points out : ““Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not,” she writes. “A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.”

Her point is a valid one, albeit her opposition to same-sex marriage is not. The issue is the exact same one as the potential problems of children of single parents encounter – in many ways, a lack of a reference person of the other gender.

She is right in asserting that claiming “it doesn’t matter” is disingenuous, because it does matter and it does make a difference. Claiming it doesn’t, where children are concerned, is just basically sticking your head in the sand.

My point is that this variable shouldn’t be ignored.

Women of Grace. A South Carolina woman’s new essay about being raised by her lesbian mom contains a surprising revelation: she opposes marriage equality.

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15 Comments

  1. Exactly what Mark said – the oftentimes on purpose confusion of marriage and child-rearing is done for the same time as why the same people often thrown in bestiality to the argument – idiotic reaching for emotional influence, instead of sticking with the rationale.

  2. The whole point, I guess, is if you’re a same-sex couple rearing a child, make sure there is equal gender reference from the missing gender – that could be family, friends, aunts and uncles of your immediate families or friends.

  3. Wrong, Laura. Wether you’re a woman or a man, both genders contribute to providing role models. Singe gender parents *can* do so if they are aware of the dynamic, and are able to compensate for it.

    The issue additionally stems from the fact that the surrounding society is dual-gender based, and the child is being confronted with that while developing.

  4. No Tim , it’s not that I’m falling for her bullshit – we’ve established that her issue has more to do with abandonment issues than anything else. I’ll still stick with my earlier observation that claiming “it doesn’t matter” is tantamount to sticking your head in the sand.

  5. No, I didn’t say that, Tim. Please re-read what I wrote.

    Gender roles exist in society. Regardless if they are stereotypes or not – and I’m not talking about the stereotypes, here. Raising a child in a society that predominantly has dual gender roles, and pretending to the child that a same gender situation at home is ‘normal’ is being disingenuous (note, that I use the loaded term ‘normal’ here simply to denote ‘majority condition in the surrounding environment’ – not making a value judgment.)

    Children tend to approach gender role models for different things, questions or problems. There’s always some situation that the child will prefer to approach a male role model for, or others where a female role model is preferred – regardless of the gender of the child.

    I’m not saying that the parents MUST be of different genders – that’d be ludicrous – but I am pointing out that it is beneficial for the child when such an alternate gender person exists within the extended family structure, to facilitate or assist with such a social dynamic.

  6. I don’t disagree with those links you posted, Tim, but I’ll have to maintain what I said earlier – unless and until people raise children in an isolated bubble or an isolated island community, the reality is that these kids will receive social cues and input from the world and media around them. Isolating the children *more* isn’t the answer either – they are children, and far more emotionally susceptible to social influences. The unfortunate reality is that same-sex relationships are not (yet) a strong enough social norm to be considered widely as ‘normal’ and there are some strong developmental dynamics at play here, that children are the target of.

    I hate to sound like I’m playing the “But think of the children” card here, but it seems to me that those who fight for LGBT recognition and make the arguments from the videos above, aren’t entirely taking the raising of children into consideration.

    Again, I’m not saying “It’s wrong for kids to have LGBT parents” – but that it’s a situation that requires to be handled and compensated for for its differences. That’s really all.

    Any examples or metaphors I would be thinking of to explain this would invariably highlight a state of differences or not-normal, which I want to avoid… but in many ways, it’d be similar to the issues black people had in predominantly white societies, during the height of racism. If that metaphor even works.

  7. Won’t change much of a thing as long as those kids still live on planet Earth, or at least within the U.S.

  8. “I hope enlightened parents can teach the little ones that gender based expectations are a construct and they shouldn’t feel abnormal if they aren’t comfortable in that binary gender narrative.” – are you serious, Tim?

    Yeah, good luck explaining that in the above format to the average toddler or 2-3 year old – because those are the ones that will need to understand that, as much beyond those ages, social imprinting is permanent and personalities fully formed by age 5.

    Wow. Just wow.

  9. Bigger picture – exactly my point in my responses, and it sadly appears that individuals are too concerned about their own first world problems to bother looking up.

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